A mind like the moon.

gypsums:

im just an asshole with feelings

orgasm:

ALL WATER DOES NOT TASTE THE SAME

pizzahard:

me at a job interview: as you can see sir, my qualifications are highly extensive, I had earned myself a PHD

employer: it says here all you did was worked at pizza hut

me: yes sir that is correct, I had earned my living from Pizza Hut Delivery

College be like

ntbx:

Housing: $2,980
Meal plan: $1,457
Books: $1,429
Enrollment: $983
Air: $3,274
Grass: $4,284
Sidewalk: $5,284
The sun: $3,381

pantsareunwelcome:

couldn’t afford a table, please have some dip

pantsareunwelcome:

couldn’t afford a table, please have some dip

ju-ke:

i’m tasteless but so is water and we all need that

stability:

people’s old facebook statuses are what i live for

supnoah:

it’s late and i really just need a hug or a shit load of vodka

silvertongue-turnedtolead:

theannieplanet:

so im babysitting this girl right now and we’re watching tv and the satellite sort of cut out cause it was raining really hard
so i just said “thunder god if you give back our satellite i’ll give you ice cream”
a second later the thunder clapped again and our tv came back
the girl is forcing me to hold up my end of the deal so guess who’s making ice cream for the thunder god

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